Selamat Hari Raya

(Searching high and low for Islamic calendar to know what day of Ramadhan is it)
Are there no Islamic Calendars in this chilly lagi beamy office??

*checks my American phone*
Nope. No Islamic calendar in here.

*makes reminder note*
MUST BUY ISLAMIC CALENDAR.

To be counting secara logic, today is the 24th of Ramadhan is it not?

So why does my hunger, fatigueness, sleepyness, migrain-ess and grumpiness resembles my previous state of unhealthiness on the 1st day of Ramadhan..? Hmmm. Owh. I am technically on my 1st day again *blushes* after having had my exemption.

It is now 3:44pm and it feels as though I have been in this office for eternity. This very final week before Hari Raya is a real challenge I tell ya. Can u hear me squawking in here? *SQWWWUUAAKKK* I mean, seriously, I have been dreaming of taking ELs for 2 days in a row now.

After sahur, I'd sleep and just before I get up to get ready to work, I'd have these dreams. The 1st one, I swear I looked like Angelina Jolie but I was me. I had a partner in crime, travelled to strange places, attempting to escape from someone who was chasing us. Very interesting dream, but all I could think about while I was on the run was- What do I tell my boss for not turning up to work today?

Today's dream was a little disappointing because I was no longer Angie Jolie Pitt. I was me- not in the office, attending Ilya's long call. haha. So i had a good excuse to take EL!

And then of course my mom woke me up. I grabbed last week's shirt and put it on. Eww. I cant be bothered anymore. I just need to get over this week, I just want to berhari raya hari yang mulia penuh bererti kepada semua tua muda miskin dan kaya menyambutnya dengan GEMBIRAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

Oh;

Berhati-hati di jalan raya
Semoga anda selamat tiba
Ucapan selamat hari raya
dari *** untuk semuaaaaaa....

This year I bought baju rayas for myself (Lima!), made my own kuih raya (but I will buy kuihs like Mama Carrie and Sarang Semut because I dont know how to make them), pay zakat on my own (bangganya!) and will be giving out duit raya (tak mampunya!).

May God have mercy on me and shower me with duit raya this year. But I doubt it. But I shall never give up praying for it. =p. I'm sucha damsel in distress ke? Anyways..........

Pecah Kaca,
Depan Posmen,

Sudah Baca,

Harap Komen.

wonderment

Doesnt it bother you, or at least make you chew over the fact that God plans to make Anwar our PM 10 years after Mahathir scheduled him to be...?

Mesti ada sebab.

mom, look what work has done to me

Before we go to my Whine Kingdom, I would like to Thank God Its Friday! *dancing in my tights*

Although the date shows that it is Saturday, we are technically still on a Friday night. Do not argue with someone who just had McDonalds, because I feel good right now :)

So mom,

I was extremely tired from a whole week of in-house counsel-ing, and I was out 4 nights in a row to fulfill my social responsibility to people I call friends.

Note: I missed home like crazy and today I was so happy to be back eating my favourite kuih and my favourite ayam and home is not like those posh restaurants I go to, but home is where I belong. Posh restaurants are temporary in nature and suck the wall-E t. =p.

Note2: My friends are people I wouldnt want to exchange for diamonds. They are That valuable because I do not trust many people and so I do not have many friends. I am to a certain extent beyond sad, but seriously, I think I'm happier than most people because I surround myself with people who are real. Can we talk about my super long slumber now?

So after my buka puasa I slept for about forever-ish and that must've been 5-6 hours. And in between, I could've sworn I was exchanging smses with Aidil. And in that very cloudy state of mind I find myself appreciating him being tolerant and having an understanding that is so keen towards my dont-give-a-damness.

I Should slay myself sometimes.

Anyway, I then woke up at about 1am, went to McDonalds and now I cant sleep.

Work has made me forget my blogger password because i keep typing my webmail password instead, work has made me hate sunday nights as I will be hours away from monday but work has made me appreciate weekends and has made me miss my good ol wasted days, but work will make me rich so I will work and work will pay me so lets all work because if we dont work we will not be using our time wisely and will not be of any contribution to the country but I just wish work will not make me age so fast and instead make me look and sound smarter at least so that everyone will want to be like me especially my kids.

Speaking of kids, i wanna be a kid again, mom.

i want to just cry when something doesnt go my way or when something hurts me or when someone scolds me, I want to be able to make mistakes and not get blamed for it, i want to wake up and sleep anytime i want, i want to receive hugs and kisses from my loved ones regardless of my behaviour, i want to pee and not flush, play in the rain and get sick and have someone make hot milo for me, i want to eat as many lollies and candies without having to pay for it, and i want to have people drive me around and not drive to work all alone everyday laughing at some joke on the radio alone.

okay mom? bye mom.

the historic September 16th!

I am anxiously waiting for September 16th to come :)

I suppose the day will be rather ordinary (and by ordinary I mean, it stand to reason that if you think someone is guilty before this date, u will still think he is guilty) for individuals- like you and I, but for the country and its political institution- this day will be remembered like the day Kemal Ataturk established the Republic of Turkey and liberated the country through the political, legal, cultural, social and economic reforms that were implemented to transform the Republic of Turkey into a modern, secular nation-state; or September 16th will be remembered like the time when Karl Marx said: You can buy any car of any color as long as its black.

No, Karl Marx did not say that. It was a joke widely known in those days to describe the dictatorship practiced by him. Gotcha.

Truthfully I do not know what will happen on September 16th. Rumor has it our country will have a new Prime Minister. That I'd like to see...

On a personal level, I'd say that this day will highlight that tyranny will never prevail, and that real leadership qualities defeat leaders who inherit their position from their old man. Heheh.

To September 16th! C(T)H(a)E(k)E(b)R(i)S(r)!!

chillax dinies yo daddy

today's dinie's interview.

I hope he'll just calm down and know that we're all here to support him no matter what happens.

Its all gonna be good.

We all screw things up once in a while in life, and i think i just did too.

I hope you wont lose what u have, and i sure hope i wont lose what i have.

gdluck dinie. we love you!!

Post OBS

As I slouch myself in my boss' semi comfortable chair and feels a sheer of awkwardness for not having lunch and is in fact at the office during lunch hour, I start missing Lumut and everything that it had taught me during the entire 17 days I surrendered my soul there. OBS in Lumut simply put, metaphorically- a fusion of perfect storms and hard earned sunshine.

I refuse to bore you with the chronology of my daily activities in OBS, although going through the expeditions and outdoor activities were so much fun! Typically for someone who has never done any outdoorsy activities before, every single experience was jakunable and to a large extent triggered excitement in my soul. There were of course moments when I felt like crying after having completed an obstacle such as the rope obstacle, rappelling and rock climbing.

I was not going to cry because I was made to do it, I wanted to cry because I begin to appreciate how valuable life is-literally.

Imagine having to slide ur feet on two cable strings and balancing ur body with a bizarre looking blue ball attached to another string above ur head. My knees were literally shaking when I started to walk on the strings. So at that spur of the moment I thought, the only way to make this realizable, was to calm down because at the speed of the vibration my knees were going, it was confirmed that I would fall flat on the ground if I did not calm myself down.

Of course calming myself down means shrieking on top of my lungs first, then baca doa 1000 kali. Of course I would portray myself as gedik when my screaming can be heard, but not my bacaan doa. =p.

Anyways, to sum up everything, I did kayak, whaler, flying fox, various suicidal rope activities, rafting, jungle trekking to hell, and solo camping. There were OBS olympics, poco-poco and aerobics session in between the never-ending expeditions.

I LOVE poco-poco.

Water activities (kayak, rafting and whaler) were my least favourite as I hate going into the water with my life jacket because even with the jacket, I still think the sea is too big and the further I go, the more I'm not on flat land and hence bigger chances for me to just drown and disappear.

I dig solo camping the most!! The afflictions I got from the ceaseless challenging activities were instantly lifted by the sound of water streaming down the humongous and whopping 100-year old rocks, the sky blued upon me, the wind touched my face and swirled around my hair, the ants visited my food and shared my only meal with me- creatures of God that I failed to pay enough attention to back in my side of town which should never be disclosed. ehe. The combination of these elements around my solo camping site gave me the sensation of peace and tranquillity so it was at that point that I reached nirvana.

Nirvana: An ideal condition of rest, harmony, stability or joy. Aummmmmm.... *meditate*

I was lucky to have gotten that spot for my solo night out. I was more fortunate as 'noone' 'visited' me that night. We were told that with the right intention, solo camping would be smoothsailing without any interruption from 'them'. I carved that saying in my heart and on my mind, and as soon as I was left alone at my spot, I said in my heart that "I am here to apply the camping skills I've learned and I am here to overcome my one and only fear that is to sleep alone. Because success to me means to be able to overcome my fear(s)."

And so I succeeded. Alhamdulillah.

Maybe God had tested me enough throughout the 17 days that He gave me the taste of nirvana at solo camping. I will always remember that feeling, and will live my life trying to attain that feeling again as often as I can.

OBS forces its participants to reflect on him/herself. I did just that and found that the self-discovery I made 3 years ago matches my discovery today. I knew exactly who I am and it was that that made me survived the rest of them who were battling to discover themselves.

I am grateful for the opportunity to be sent to Lumut because I have begin to learn the importance of being able to handle my emotions and self-control during the mother of all stressful conditions.

It wan in OBS that I learn the real meaning of friendship.

And that a real leader is one who can lead him/herself and is not afraid to be the only one with the unpopular opinion and strongly defend that opinion even if it means having to go against everyone.

HOCHUWEI!!!!!!!

the before entry

Judging by my shortstuff physique, you can easily tell that I have lived my life based on mental strength and mental strength only.

And of course, unlimited personal standings, principles and philosophies have contributed a lot to this thing I call mental strength.

Hence this before entry is dedicated to myself, and to several people that matters to me, for the simple reason: to compare how right or wrong I am about OBS before and after OBS.

OBS: Outward Bound School, in Lumut, which I will surrender myself to for the next 3 weeks. So God Help me.

I am aware of the fact that I cannot do a lot of things especially anything physically challenging. Thus to make up to these weaknesses I do rubiks and I use bombastic words to scare the hell out of my opponents. [everyone is an opponent when u consider ur life a game. heheh]

So to myself;
Build up that mental strength, for you can do even the hardest thing in life if your mind is up for it. Should you lose your grip on anything in the big bad cruel jungle, close your eyes and hold on to your God, your loved ones and heck the nearest branches available.

When you fall into the water and feel helpless, think: i'm a mermaid. and swim, dammit.

When you're all alone and you feel scared, know that everyone else is going through the same thing and if you give up, you are not a winner in this game. =p.

Last but not least, do some soul searching while you're in the jungle, cos its about time...

Till we meet again, dont miss me too much! =D