Relax lah, kak.

Watching other people get old is a funbrain activity for a young one like me. heheh. But it also mean the young one has to get out and get the old one a present.

I enjoy looking out for presents for my friends; i cant really explain the jollity and the rush i get from doing it. If I have infinity dollars, i would like to do this exuberant activity every single day for the rest of my life.

Which got me thinking: I think I just invented a job. I could advertise myself as the "Present Finder" where I provide service of finding the perfect gift for the individualistic city people who just do not have time to get out and get presents for their loved ones. All they need is to email me and provide me with a budget and maybe a brief description of the recipient. And then upon delivery of the present, they pay me some amount of service charge. When I am established, I will set up a website and my clients can simply order thru the net and make payment thru e-banking(?).

Note to self: learn about e-payment and e-present business.

Now that I've got you in my imagination, lets flashback to what happened earlier today. Bangang punya kakak Jusco.

That's the introduction, here's the body. As soon as I purchased a ******* for my friend, I wanted to go get a box to scrunch the present in. So I went to Jusco, where the customer service counter is placed, to get myself one of those fancy boxes.

My gift is jumbo in size, elephantine kind of gift you see. So i wanted to grab the largest box which was placed at the bottom of a shelf that is out of my reach. On top of that box were two smaller similar looking boxes.

Being the ordinary klutzy me, I reached for the jumbo box which had the two boxes on top of it fell on the kakak jusco who was standing on the other side of the counter. I said sorry so many times, and although I tried extremely hard to conceal my laugh, i could not. Okay sorry. (see, i said sorry again).

SHE STUNG ME WITH THE MOST VENOMOUS LOOK, and I felt myself shrinking into an ant.

The rest of the customers stared at me, with the same look of hatred, or at least that was what i imagined.

I walked away, feeling very ashamed, and tearful, headed straight to the 5 ringgit shop and settled for a paper bag to chunk my gift in.

HuwaaaaaAAAaaaAAAAAAAA~~~!!!

Addictive!!!

I used to LOVE composing essays

As far as the language of body is concern, when you wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is drag yourself up half-way, and then slams it rrrright back to bed, you are hating your job.

In my very pessimistic head, jobs are in the draconian thought section.

I am at this stage where I attend job interviews looking like the part, but truthfully, feeling a lot like a zombie in disguise. I am just going for the sake of keeping my promises to HR Managers and pleasing myself when i hear (legal) jargons after jargons being thrown outta my mouth.

I am going to feel like a total idiot when i read this entry again in 5 years time.

As you are reading this, I am probably half way completing an essay about myself. Well, in Mr. Adrian's words: your personality, strengths and weaknesses.

Why am i dreading this...? In school, essay composition was the only reason I stayed alive, because obviously add maths was fatal. Simply put, if you were to compile my essays, it'd sell better than Khairuddin Ayip's 100 Karangan Contoh untuk UPSR/PMR/SPM.

If Mr. Adrian wants to know about my personality, strengths and weaknesses; allow me to define myself.

Personality: I talk fast.

Strength: I learn faster.

Weakness: I judge people fastest.

If i was not afraid of people associating me with bimbos, I really would like to learn how to make hair and make up as i enjoy making others look pretty. Unfortunately, that will also mean I'd murder all transexual and bapuk clients who walk into my saloon.

My Sister's Wedding

With Ilya being married to the man she bagged 6years ago, the spotlight is inevitably on this lil sister. I dont need extra attention, but the spotlight simply means I get to philosphize more, and i enjoy making others look shallow.

Philosophy #1
Ilya is married because she's 27.
A lot of 27 year old women would consider themselves very unsuccessful if they do not already have a person to call 'hubby' by the age of 27. As much as I think the word hubby is disgusting, the idea of having a hubby is quite alright as long as u dont call him hubby. Generation Y (that's babies born from 1980 to 1995) however, no longer care so much about the age factor, but rather bagging the right guy. because believe me, u dont want to spend 3 years dating someone else's husband and find out about his status from his 20 year old son.

Philosophy #2
Ilya is married because she has been with her boyfriend for 6 years.
Thats forever! If a guy doesnt propose you by that time, leave him. It is however not as easy as that. When u have been with a guy for 6 years, it is very hard to leave him because by that time u are gam gajahly attached to him (and possibly his family). Besides, starting all over again seems like an endless process. But believe me, u dont want to have to change religion so soon out of a promise to marry, to find that 6 years later, with 2 illegitimate kids, the guy Still doesnt want to marry you. So be very careful if you're approaching ur 6th year of relationship. If there are no indications, leave.

Philosophy #3
Ilya has only been married for a week, gimme a break.
I'm not against the idea, but please, gimme a frikin break, the bunga manggars are still standing on my front gate for goodness sake. haha.

Philosophy #4
Most of my friends cant afford to give me my dream wedding presents yet. hahahahahaha. Okay2, main2 main2..

Apart from me being pissed off for just about everything related to work at the moment, I am thrilled and very very happy for my sister Ilya, for having elevated to the status of wife and I assure you my mom is the happiest person on earth right now. Thank God for your marriage Ilya, i can do whatever the annoying hell i like and not get scolded by mama, but i give her 1 month before being naggy waggy again.

I advise my friends to stop asking me out and start hunting for man because as much as hanging out with a marriage philospher like me is fun, hearing what u want to hear (that it is okay to be single at the age of 24) is bad for your health. =p.

Just Visiting

I'm a board game enthusiast, Mr. Monopoly will not beg to differ. In today's graceful development of computer games, i do at times play monopoly in the computer and that, my friend, was my numero uno substitute to reading statutes and reported cases in law school.

A lot of people can relate to my board game fetishism, i'm sure. [board games include: monopoly, scrabble, portable scrabble, chess, rubik's cube. hehe]

Monopoly rocks, as long as you dont roll doubles 3 times in a row and be sent to jail. If you have a get-out-of-jail card, then u'd be secretly wishing that you do end up in jail to stylishly irk the heck outta the other players. and by stylish i mean, to hold the jail card in between your index and middle finger [as if holding a cigarette] and handing it over to the banker with a tiny smirk on ur face. TOLDJA I'M A BOARD GAME ENTHUSIAST.

And then there's the "just visiting" moments where you miss a turn to frikin visit the jail, and That has caused you to once again miss passing through Park Place and Boardwalk that you are dying to get hold of and build houses and hotels on! GRRRR.

WHY DO PEOPLE VISIT THE JAIL ANYWAY??

I dont ask myself that question anymore. I now have answers to that question.

Having had the opportunity to visit the Sg. Buloh and Kajang prison and to interview the detainees therein for my legal aid training, I often get these questions addressed to me:

1. How can you talk to them without feeling any disgust towards them?
2. How do you manage to keep a straight face when faced with criminals of rape & buggery with animal?
3. Why do you want to meet and talk to them?

As legal practitioners, we often forget the cardinal rule applicable to these criminals. Everyone is presumed innocent until proven guilty.

The detainess I met, be it for robbery, rape, possessing dangerous weapons, drug traffiking or prostitution, are people who have not even been tried by the courts and far from being pronounce as guilty of the offence.

Thus, the presumption that they're innocent apply.

That is how I manage to keep a straight face and not feel disgusted when I talk to them. Besides, when they talk to me, they were in their most vulnerable position, with hands cuffed and with the most inferior feeling towards free people such as you and i.

I am their last hope when no one else would even look at them in the eyes, what more to listen to their stories. Yes, they have admitted to me that they committed the crimes they are charged for, but it will not hurt to listen to their stories, lend an ear and look at them like they should be looked at- a human being.

I'm not on their side, but I do not want to punish someone before they get their official punishment from the judges (or from a lawyer who drafts the judge's judgment, boo you).

I'm begging you to consider the maxim innocent until proven guilty. If you want to say someone is guilty, you must bring forward facts and evidences that will strengthen your allegations.

Otherwise, we will be guilty of depriving their liberty.

And that is a crime against human rights.

So if you put someone who is innocent in jail, you are no different from them, a criminal who commits a crime against human rights.

So just because you're on the other side of the fence, dont you for one second think you have never committed a crime.

It is ironic for someone who initiated the building of Sg. Buloh prison to end up serving his sentence in that prison.

With no proof and jumbled up contradicting facts, he was nevertheless forced to pay for what he did not commit.

So before you even begin to judge these prisoners, consider the real criminals who are still on the loose.

And then VOTE accordingly. Heheh.

My Chinese New Year

"And verily, there were man among mankind who took shelter with the males among the jinn, but they (jinn) increased them (mankind) in sin and transgression." [72:6]

Sometimes when u go shopping, u carry with u more than shopping goodie bags home. My shopping experiences are always personally satisfying when I incur knowledge and have realization burdened onto my cerebrum.

This morning, I met a miraculously special man who has been damned by God. At least up till noon today. If he goes home and repent, then I take back my words, he is no longer the damnedest person on earth.

This man claimed he could turn strips of newspaper thrown into a portable wood drawer into cash. The catch is, u may not spend the cash, it has to be an "ibu duit". Should u spend the cash, the second u hand the cash to the recipient, the said cash will disappear. [ibu duit: a note or coin believably having the ability to suck in more cash into ur wallet. The Chinese believe that if u change handbags, never leave the previous bag empty, leave some coins or cash in it, to ensure the smoothness of the flow of ur income.]

Gong Xi Fa Cai, people. Another way to ensure smoothie flowy income, is to hand me those red packets, Thank You.

So the minute I heard the 'condition' i knew this man is indulging himself in the jinn business. An idiot could've figured it out as he kept summoning his 'Ya Rijal Ghaib' (Oh man who is invisible).

The idea is to give each audience the cash and they are to put it in a sack together with 3 rice grains. I know what you're thinking right now. A load of Bull. Exactly. Stay with me, please.

Of course there were other things, such as the 'batu cempaka something' which gives u the immunity from getting slashed by sharp objects. Also, wearing that batu will make the person who shakes hand with u like u instantly [recommended for people who plans to go to interviews and meeting new, potential boss.] The catch: One ringgit note, which u cannot spend, but Must be paid to a blind needy person.

For a moment, I expected the audience to share my disgust towards this man and my faith for the religion. To my surprise, when offered "Siapa nak batu ni?", more than 20 hands reached for the sky!

I walked away at this junction with disappointment travelling in my veins. Did I just witness more than 20 hands of Muslims wanting to participate in this damned absurdity?

"If you join others in worship with Allah, (then) surely, (all) your deeds will be in vain, and you will certainly be among the losers." [39:65]

It is not the genie in the drawer or the green stone that holds our fate. Allah is the One Whose help we seek.

I do want short cuts in red packages. I do not want short cuts that makes me commit actions of shirk.

kelly cabby

The absurd words of one man which I will always consider to be a motivation to Know that there is someone out there who can never be half the person that i am: "Desperate times do not always need desperate measures."

The ironic thing is, that statement he made, does not really reflect his daily actions. This is the man who is so desperate at all times, that he still climbed up a broken ladder after falling down twice, told a friend a lie to gain his bosses' attention and drained out his parents' cash to purchase a mansion.

Desperate times, DO need desperate measures, why cant u just agree with that? If u choose to be different, being gay is not the solution.

ANYWAYS. Here's a story about My desperate time.

Thinking that I was going to be late for my interview, I agreed to pay the cabby RM30 to get my suited lawyer a** to Nikko Hotel. I only agreed because I believed, in good faith, that the road was going to be congested.

It was a public holiday, and there was not one single car ahead of the cab to block it from speeding like a keling mabuk.

Got there in 15 frikin minutes! And had to pay RM30.

I stared at cabby's face as i handed him the RM50 note. He didnt dare to look into my eyes. He gave me my change and said thank you. The stumble in his voice comforted me, as there was a sense of guilt in the tone of his voice. At least he now realize what an arse he had been.

A lot of times, we are not the stupid ones although we are the victims. There are just people in this world who do not deserve our respect. I was a better person when I got out of that cab, knowing that if I had argued with the mabuk taxi driver, I would be breaching the verbal contract we made earlier. Contradicting my own words, would only make me a lawyer who will have a video featured in Youtube 15 years from now.

After all, kelly cabby probably needed the money more than I do. I know that because I am positive he will not be getting himself 1 million dollars from the Queen.